This is not one of those annoying, whiney postings complaining about how much it’s rained in the past month. That’s because I’m not one of those annoying, whiney people who can only see the gloomy side of the unending soggy weather. I’m the type of person willing to accept that there are definite advantages to the deluge.

How can you tell an endangered Atlantic salmon from Paul Bruneau?

There are several methods, but one of the easiest is wine selection. Bruneau, whose current address is the Cumberland County Jail, prefers a nice white wine with his seafood. For the most part, salmon are teetotalers.

Each year at this time, the same thing happens.

Nothing.

With the impending arrival of summer, all news in the state of Maine officially comes to a halt. The Legislature goes home.

A sizable portion of the population goes on vacation.

Hellougghfuh. Jutha minuphth. Ahm ahmoth finithed pigging muh teef.

Sorry, what I meant to say was, “Hello. Just a minute. I’m almost finished picking my teeth.”

I’m not saying the United States Postal Service is a right-wing organization. But it is opposed to left turns.

That’s official Postal Service policy. Drivers delivering mail are supposed to minimize the number of left turns they take, in order to … um … well, I suppose it’s to … er … really, I’ve got no idea.

You can keep your hybrids, zero-emission vehicles and nuclear-powered flying cars equipped with laser weapons and force fields. Maine doesn’t need that kind of new-fangled technology, because we’ll soon be ending our dependence on foreign oil by converting every motor vehicle in the state to locally produced fuel.

(Please note: Laser weapons and force fields are currently unavailable as options on models powered by locally produced fuel.)

The state’s new tourism slogan was announced recently. I know you’re excited about that, so I won’t waste any time revealing the phrase that will replace such iconic mottos from past years as “It Must Be Maine,” “I Could Have Gone To Maine – Instead Of Going Crazy,” “See your Doctor If Side Effects Persist” and “Maine: Vowels Outnumber Consonants.”

Our state leaders were quite clear about what Mainers had to do to deal with the arrival of swine flu. Top health officials and the governor all advised preparing for the disease’s onslaught in the same way we’d get ready for a blizzard.

On Sunday, April 26, a snowman showed up at Hadlock Field in Portland.