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On July 16, a woman in Gorham was doing her laundry in her washing machine. The load included the usual assortment of clothing, as well as an eight-foot reticulated python.
I know what you’re thinking. Nobody washes an eight-foot python in a washing machine. Pythons get washed in a python tub. Or maybe they have python washes, like car washes. What I know for sure is that however you keep your python clean, it doesn’t involve standard laundry appliances.
The unidentified woman called the authorities, who dispatched a specialist in reptilian recovery. The python was captured, and, at last report, was resting comfortably at the Maine Wildlife Park in Gray.
The question is how the creature got in the washer in the first place. There are several theories. The snake might have escaped from somewhere and crawled up the washer’s drain pipe in search of clean underwear. This assumes the creature had plumbing experience and the proper tools. Another possibility: Someone the woman knows might have been playing a trick on her. That assumes the trickster happened to have a huge snake he’d been keeping around in case the opportunity for reptile-related hilarity presented itself.
I think it’s more likely this event was part of a terrorist plot. Even as I write these words, federal agents are probably securing washing machines throughout the state, allowing access to the appliances only to those with security clearances. I base this assessment on the fact that this was not the only instance in the past week of unusual activity by animals who may have been under the influence of unknown enemies of freedom.
The officials stressed that lobster meat is safe, but tomalley, which is sort of what lobsters have instead of a liver, tends to collect lots of unseemly gunk and shouldn’t be ingested by true patriots and anyone disinclined to contract shellfish poisoning. Tomalley can, however, be fed to pythons.
Posted on Monday, July 21, 2008 in Permalink
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Reader Comments:
Your Scarborough Downs link does not go anywhere. I'm wondering if it's to a Forecaster story that appeared in the south edition last week.
http://www.theforecaster.net/story.php?storyid=15605
I saw a sanke once in my shoe - it wasn;t no shoelace, either - just a small garter snake resting in my shoe. What do you make of that?
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