I’m not one to panic. I can remain calm when there’s chaos all around me. For instance, in the Old Port on Saturday night. I just sip my beer and occasionally employ my Taser whenever some drunken frat boy gets in my face.

There’s been some controversy surrounding the straw poll conducted at the Maine Republican Party’s caucuses around the state last week. Several towns used hay instead of straw, thereby negating the results, according to the official interpretation of party rules, based on the 1914 U.S.

There’s a sign on Route 27 in Kingfield informing northbound drivers that this particular roadway has been designated a scenic highway by some powerful government authority with excess time on its hands. Good thing, too. Otherwise, motorists would probably never suspect there was pretty scenery to look at, what with no clues except vistas of the Carrabassett River, Bigelow Range, Sugarloaf, Chain of Ponds and the like.

According to Maine state government’s moose-hunting website, one of the things you have to know before you can get a permit to shoot a moose is this:

“What is a WMD?”